I am out of the office.
If you require immediate assistance, I can be summoned but it
requires some work.
• a container of salt
• a live chicken
• a silver chalice
• matches or a lighter
• a working knowledge of correct Latin pronunciation
Step 1: Draw a pentagram on the floor with the
Step 2: Stand in the center of
Step 3: Make a ring of
salt around the perimeter of the pentagram
Step 4: Cut the throat of the chicken with the dagger.
Step 5: Fill the chalice with the blood of the
Step 6: Repeat this
incantation: “Boden excitant iratus sum, et meam impleat crimine
Step 7: Set alight the
blood in the chalice, holding the chalice in your RIGHT hand and the flame in
I will then appear, but I
will not be happy.
Boden-conjuring is a dangerous enterprise, and is not recommended unless the
problem is urgent.
Please note that I
will require a boon for any tasks completed once I have been summoned. This may
be Cadbury Dairy Milk chocolate, a large Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee (with skim
milk and three packs of Equal), an icy-cold can of Diet Coke...or your little
finger. Be sure to have all of these items and/or a small, sharp knife on hand
prior to beginning the rite.