"You know, if I looked like Shrek, I think I'd do something about it."
"Nice dye job, slut."
"God bless you; those ginormous legs look awfully uncomfortable."
"I'd like to kick his crutches out from underneath him."
"At least when we move, I won't have to listend to Hopalong gimp around all day."
"I bet you sniff your own farts and then smile, you pretentious prick. Who the hell quotes themselves in an email signature?!?!"
"Nice phone you're playing with there, while meandering slowly down the staircase in front of me, holding me up. It would be a shame if you "accidentally" slipped and fell."