Friday, September 10, 2010


I wrote this for a co-worker who is actually not yet dead. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
_____________, affectionately known as "Bear," was recently dragged across the river Styx by the icy hand of death after an incident involving a power surge and a sex robot.

He was born in 1973 to Bob and Shirley _________ in ________, Pennsylvania.

Bear was a 1991 graduate of ________High School, and a graduate of the University of ________, where he majored in drinking, falling in to shrubbery, and harrassing exchange students. Bear was a member of the water polo team, and had many funny stories about wet socks, Uzbekistanian pornography, and van-clearing flatulence.

Bear is survived by: his parents; two brothers, Chet and Botetourt; a retarded uncle who will outlive the whole family; his imaginary wife, Agnes; his dog, Tom; his cat, Cat; and his sex robot, Sparky.

In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions can be sent to the ___________ Institute for Furthering Sex Robot Technology.

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